Sometimes I feel very alone. When no one is returning my calls. When I get to thinking too much. I know being alone truly defines life, as a person. Or does it? Does it for everyone? I don't know. Because a lot of people are part of happy (or unhappy) relationships. A lot of people are surrounded by friends and are generally happy with things. But I'm not surrounded by that. I always tell people that I have a habit of pushing others away. Well it works the other way too, so when I'm not the one pushing it feels like everyone else is.
These meandering thoughts likely make little sense to anybody who by some chance is reading them. You might see right through them and in a moment decide that I'm alone because I choose to be. It doesn't change the fact that my life is defined by loneliness right now. I need a new city. A new life. Will it even change a fucking thing? Probably not.
Today I went to London and had a little shopping expedition. Oh right guys aren't allowed to call it that. It was ummm..a buying stuff expedition. Yeah that has a beautiful ring to it, doesn't it?
I got:
-floor mats for my car
-a new bong shaft for Rich (I broke his by accident)
-the seventh book in the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan
-acoustic guitar strings
-Clove Cigarettes
So that's my day off. Was planning on meeting up with my friend Nathan, who lives in London, to make some noise with instruments..but he is apparently sleeping. Either that or he's just avoiding me. I mean it's 6:30 in the evening. But he's slept in this late before. Oh well, no music tonight then.
What a shitty day.
I was also planning on seeing a specific person today. But she's not interested.
She found someone else.
2 comments:
listen bitchy mcphil. I was there for you and you just didn't accept my offer! thanks for thinking of me.
xoxo.
I'm here for you, just a txt away!
sorry to say, but i think that other comment is somewhat selfish..
sometimes having other people there is nice and yes we appreciate them, but it's just not what we need. we need to be alone sometimes, and i tend to push other ppl away sometimes to..well alot.
regardless, i hope youre feelin more positive and use your energy in constructive ways, all emotions are energies, hope you put them to good use
n hope this cmnt wasnt to hokey cause i guess it was
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